Dear God

I’ve been following this blog called Dear God for about a year now. I read it when I need a reality check. I read it when I’ve been sitting in my office too long and think, why am I doing this God? Too many times I get sucked into the Christian bubble and don’t realize the hurt that is going on out there. Read this quote from the post titled: I Can’t Believe That I’m Still A Virgin.

Dear God,I can’t believe that I’m still a virgin. I am 20 years old and I am confident about myself. I have success in school, work, popular in friends, have good sense of style, and beauty. Seems like everything is perfect, but it is not.

There is this big hole inside my heart. I have been single for 4 years and I don’t even know why. I tried to find love or at least crush but everytime I fail. I am starting to feel that I am a coward because I am not being open enough. I wished I had let go of my virginity long time a go so at least I can play around now. I am a party girl and it’s just a big contrary of what other people think and what I really am. I have tried to lose it with my fling but he stopped halfway, saying that he’s not gonna do it if I don’t feel comfortable, which i know I wasn’t. I didn’t tell him about my virginity and then he found out that I’m a virgin. He told my friend that he wants me to lose it to someone that would treat me right and he is not that person. My friends told me to lose it to someone I love and love me back, or at least like. But it’s just so hard to find him. I have been with lots of jerks and I’m always not interested with the good guys.

I used to be a Catholic and I left because of modernity. I had new perception that religion is mostly made by human. I used to believe in abstinence. Now I just want to lose because I don’t care anymore. I feel so sick of it already. I want to do it because of me, not because of the guy. I know I’m selfish but I am just afraid to get hurt. I have experienced it before and it killed me once. I have been through hell. I just don’t want that to happen again.

But now I’m starting to feel that I don’t know how to love. I feel that I can do all the things without man, I can. But deep down, I am miserably lonely and i know i need an intense relationship, a companion. But I suck at these things. I’m starting to feel sick of my perfectionist and independence. I am suffocated everyday. Sometimes I wish I have been born a man, not a woman. So that I can easily lose my virginity without regret.God, please help me to find my way back into my identity and love. Kat – Singapore

My heart breaks for Kat. Be ready to cry, yell and ask “why God?” as you read. I do every single time. 

On this post read the comments. Many people want to explain their hurting. Too many times we are quick to judge and speak when James says we should be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19)

What are you doing to listen…to hurting people? Have you made it a point to find people who need you to listen? Any ideas on how to do this? I’m still trying to figure it out myself but I’ve found that Soularium has helped.

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