Crying out

Have you ever just break down and cry out to God? I’m sure everyone has…

This past Monday I couldn’t sleep. All night I was tossing and turning. Finally around 6:30am I got up and went to the living room. I sat there just wondering am I really doing what God wants me to do? Then I just started bawling in my hands, my face buried. I said “God, am I a good husband? a good father? a good worker for you?” I asked Him to show me to confirm that I am supposed to be married to Annie, supposed to be the father of Collin, Griffin and Eden, supposed to be a BCM director and a follower of Christ. Then, I just sat there and cried. I wanted encouragement, I really wanted encouragement. But, I prayed without believing.

I went throughout the week kind of downcast, feeling like my relationship with Annie was crappy, like I was being a bad father, I wasn’t even caring about spending time with God. I came into work this morning expecting to sit down and just yell at God. However, that didn’t happen. I walked in and two students were sitting there wanting me to go to lunch with them, to which i politely said “PERKINS, ya right, no way!” In a very subtle manner (insert sarcastic tone here). Then, something happened which I would’ve never expected. Michelle says to me, “Thanks for that message last night Rahul.” I turned around and said why? (ha~!) She said “I was asked to chaperon on a elementary girls retreat for a church and wasn’t going to do it because it was going to be a waste of time. But your message about spending life with people caused me to change my heart and now I am going and I’m excited!”

Wow! I couldn’t believe it. I thought it was a pretty crappy thrown together message. But, God uses truth even when we think He doesn’t. I sat down to pray and it hit me, how stupid I am. Earlier this week Annie and I got to talk out a little part of our relationship, to which we are yearning for the next time we see each other! (first, my relationship with my wife) Then, all of a sudden I’ve just been wanting to hang out with my kids more and more, playing with them, wrestling, acting like Optimus Prime (Autobots Go!). Step 2, then today seeing over 11 visitors and God actually speaking through me to change students lives!

God is amazing. He uses us when we are most vulnerable…


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